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Mental Health

What is Getting Teenagers Stressed Out?

April 24, 2022 by Martin Neumann - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

What is getting Teenagers stressed out?

One of the most prevalent times for stress to arise in one’s life is in the teenage years. This time involves a lot of changes that can be stressful for many. So what is getting a teenager really stressed out?

What is getting Teenagers stressed out?

At the earlier end, many kids are going through puberty and through their awkward years. This is the point in time when bullying can be the worst, as teens start to become a bit more grown-up, but not fully, and still make poor decisions by picking on people.

The stresses at this age vary greatly from person to person, but one of the most prevalent ones is bullying and harassment. By this age, many people are still kind of awkward, but they’re at the point where they are getting interested in people of the opposite sex.

This involves some kind of identity changes that can lead to some inner conflicts. While children tend to harass those of the opposite sex, teenagers start to feel to be attracted, and while some are showing their change in attitude, others might be teasing them for that.

As the attraction grows, teenagers tend to want to impress acquaintances of the opposite sex. This can mean showing the best side of themselves, maybe even showing off a facade that is not their true self, or others trying to impress by doing risky things they would not do if nobody was watching.

A teenager group

All of those is mixed with the quest of defining his own identity and self-worth. Some are stressed out and devastated when getting rejected from somebody else, especially being rejected from somebody of the opposite sex. Teenagers want to be accepted by their collegues and have a desire to belong to a group that values them in some way.

The teenage years involve a lot of changes that can be stressful. As a child, many decisions are being made for you. A teenager is exactly at the phase where he starts making lots of the decisions for himself, without having the prior experience on how to deal with this new reality in a proper way. Many times they do not want to rely on others in their decision making, in order to show their growing independence, but are still struggling to keep up with the stress of being responsible of the consequences of doing a right or a wrong choice.

Another problem, especially towards the later years of high school, is figuring out what they want to do with their lives. Often, teens are pressured about what they want to do for the rest of their lives, as if they have to have it all figured out by age 18.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth. They’re expected to make decisions about where they want to go to college, if they want to go at all, and if so, what they will major in. For many people, this is a stressful process of applications and trying to figure out what their passion is.

It’s certainly a lot to take in, and if they don’t have the right guidance, they’ll feel overwhelmed quickly. Finally, towards the tail end of this age group, you have the people who are in college.

College comes with a ton of stress factors that aren’t well known to everyone. In college, you have a lot more independence than you do in high school, but that comes with its fair share of drawbacks.

Students are often left out to dry by the university and their professors, who both assume the student is capable of doing everything on their own. They might find it hard to adjust, and with the realization that they’ll soon be working a full-time job, many can begin to panic from the get-go.

A perplexed student

Teens and young adults don’t show their stress very clearly, so it can be hard to pick up on it. Many don’t want people to worry about them too much, so they just suppress their stress and worries and just hope things go well.

Some will just try to act as though everything is fine, until one day they just kind of break down. Some show that they’re stressed out by secluding themselves from others, so as to not show off their problems to others.

You might notice that someone is spending a lot more time on their own, being reclusive by going home as soon as they get the chance to just be alone. This isn’t always a sign of stress, because some people are just naturally introverted.

But if someone is normally social and suddenly starts wanting to be on their own all the time, there’s clearly something wrong there. You also might want to watch their eating habits, since some people will either eat much more or a lot less when they’re stressed out.

This can lead to undesired weight fluctuations that can cause even more stress. Moving up into college, some students try to alleviate their stress by partying. Many students will resort to heavy drinking for the sake of getting the negative thoughts out of their head.

By using alcohol as a coping mechanism, they put themselves at risk to develop alcoholism. Some will even start using drugs, which can put them at risk of an overdose, addiction, and getting arrested.

No one solution will work for everyone’s problems, but there are common ways that you can go about trying to help people in this age range. As a rule of thumb, you should never, ever try to come at them aggressively to try to fix their problems for them with already predefined solutions.

Teenagers do not appreciate this kind of intervention. They’ll just deny anything’s wrong and seclude themselves further from you. You should always try to get them to open up a bit, and then casually move it towards thinking about solutions.

A teenage girl in a counseling session.

When it comes to teens, your first step should be to teach them to handle the situation as best as they can on their own. If that fails to work, then you might intervene yourself, instead of trying to get administrators or teachers involved, because they’ll feel really embarrassed if the teachers have to step in for a school bully problem – and it may make matters worse.

You need them to feel as if they can trust you as a parent, because if they don’t, they’ll never open up to you fully. Make it a point for them to know first and foremost they you have their back and support them fully, no matter what.

Then, you’ll have a much better shot at getting them to open up to you. When it comes to young adults, getting them to go to a counselor might be a good option. Many universities and high schools give free counseling, and sometimes just blowing off a good amount of steam can fix a lot of problems.

If the resource is there, why not take advantage of it? And there may be even other reference figures in the life of a teenager, whom they can trust and can serve them as a counselor. Be sure to explain to them that bottling up their emotions isn’t a good way to go about anything in life, and by just getting things off of their chest, they’ll find a lot more support and they’ll feel a lot better not having to brace against it on their own. Nothing creates additional stress quite like loneliness.

As a conclusion, there are quite a bit of stressors involved in the various changes taking place in a teenage life. Much of this can be mitigated if they know they have somebody they can trust and that will support them in their journey of finding their independence. Showing them acceptance and strengthening their feeling of self-worth can also go a long way to make this transition period less stressful. Avoid to be in a conflict course and give proper support to the teenagers in your life and you will see how grateful they are that you have made a difference in their lives when they needed it most.

Do you need a guide to help you understand how to cope with Stress in an all inclusive approach? Learn how to combat stress, mentally, physically, emotionally and strategically in your life.

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Filed Under: Mental Health, Phases of Life, Stress Management, Teenagers

How to Free Yourself from Your Past and Cure Emotional Wounds

April 10, 2022 by Dr. Cesar Vasconcellos de Souza - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

Cura Emocional

Today we are going to deal with some very simple tips, but if you practice them, you can improve some emotional struggles that you may have. Our mind has an area called the unconscious. To this virtual dimension of our mind, memories, feelings, ideas, positive and negative, pleasant and unpleasant desires throughout our life are deposited.

How to Free Yourself from Your Past and Emotional Wounds

Everything that happens in your life, in your relationship with people, what you think, what you think you are, everything goes into this space, this virtual file in our mind called the unconscious. So, all the thoughts and feelings that you lived throughout your childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and everything you lived in your family of origin back in the past, are all stored in this mental file called the unconscious.

We do not have access to this file of the unconscious when we want to, but when we can. That is, when you are ready to be aware of some kind of remembrance, memory, emotion or thought that was there in this space, unconscious for so many years.

Many people, when they come to a psychology or psychiatrist office, to talk about their suffering, their symptoms, they say: “I don’t know why I’m feeling this, I don’t know where this sadness comes from, I don’t know where does this anguish, this affliction come from? Well, where does it come from? It comes from some things that are there in the unconscious, some dynamics, some emotion, some situation of stress, of conflict that the person has experienced, but that the mind itself has put some barriers, some defenses for you not to think about it, because thinking about what hurts, really hurts.

A psychology consultation

So the mind does this defense mechanism, it puts it under the rug, it puts what was painful for you into the unconscious, so you can continue your life, survive without getting stuck, without stopping because of those unresolved conflicts. But unresolved conflicts need to come to the surface of consciousness, at least some memories, so that you can learn to deal with it in a better way, with more courage, with more determination, with more humility as well.

Many people have physical symptoms, originating from these emotional conflicts. We call this somatization. Somatization is when a person presents in the body some physical manifestations without having a specific diagnosable disease. The body always works together with our mind, trying to help each other. So, if you have important emotional traumas from your past or present that really hurt, it is possible in adult life that you will present physical symptoms of emotional origin, or psychological symptoms as well, such as the urge to cry, excessive anxiety, irrational fears, continuous sadness among others.

Many children are victims of abuse from their family of origin. Sometimes it is a physically aggressive father, other times it is an authoritarian mother, being kind of rude with her children, leading the child to have some emotional disorder in his adult life, some behavioral complications, such as excessive shyness, or the opposite of that, being a very irritable, socially aggressive person. These dysfunctional behaviors really have to do with the traumas and conflicts in the past.

A child in dispair

In adult life, the person with psychological sufferings that impair their performance at work, in studies, and in relationships in general, can find relief when they try to make a personal analysis, thinking about what they suffered in the past and what they have been doing with this suffering throughout their lifetime.

Did you keep your resentments, still not able to forgive the people who hurt you back there? Do you repeat attitudes you hated and swore you would never do, what your father did or what your mother did that you didn’t like? Do you find it difficult to cry? On the other hand, do you cry very easily, not knowing why? We call this emotional lability. Have you got any phobia, which is exaggerated fear? Do you feel depressed most of the time? Do you have a lot of anxiety, do you keep fighting with others? Well, then talk about your emotional pain, because talking can relieve it.

Try to think about what bothers you the most on your mind? Is it fear, is it anxiety, is it sadness, is it irritation? Talk about it to someone who is trustworthy, someone who is ethical, who will not take advantage of you, who will maintain confidentiality, and who will not promote emotional or sexual involvement either. Someone ethical who has experience, not necessarily a professional, but perhaps an uncle, a grandfather, a religious leader who can give you some counsel.

Put your difficulties in sincere prayer before the creator of the universe, using your own words in this prayer, believing that he hears your venting, and persevere in it: in prayer, in venting, in talking to God, believing that He is listening to you, but having patience, because the answers don’t always come quickly. Not because God is not ready to give quick healing or quick restoration, but because there are some things he needs to teach us and we need to learn.

A man praying on the bedside

Many people get relief and insight in their emotional problem through prayer. Scientists are studying this: what prayer does to people’s minds, brains and behavior. It’s always a positive thing when you say a sincere and honest prayer. By venting to God and to someone who is able to help, and who doesn’t necessarily have to be a professional in psychology, you can improve. Venting helps to improve.

If your symptoms are very limiting, for example preventing you from studying, or working, or getting along well with the majority of people, then you may consider that you need an evaluation with a professional. But start with something simple, like venting, and think like this: do I need to ask someone for forgiveness? Then ask! Do I need to put an end to resentments? Then you will forgive someone who hurt you to end that resentment. Do you need to treat yourself better and stop having self-deprecating thoughts? So work on that. Every time you catch yourself thinking bad about yourself, criticizing yourself, putting yourself down, say to yourself: I won’t do this to me. I’m going to treat myself better, I’m going to respect myself. So this simple attitude that you can start doing there right now, will promote the healing process. Healing is a process you need. Start with simple things. It works!

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Filed Under: Mental Health

How to Control Stress by Creating a Productive Environment™

March 27, 2022 by Barbara Hemphill - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

Productive Environment

How often do you feel stressed looking at papers piled on your desk, browsing through hundreds (and for many people, thousands!) of emails, or searching for your glasses, a book, a form, or a piece of equipment?

How to Control Stress by Creating a Productive Environment

Your ability to accomplish any task or goal is directly related to your ability to find what you need when you need it – and that ability is essential to any organization in order to accomplish its mission, serve its customers, minimize legal risks, and reduce overhead costs. In other words, good business requires what I call a “Productive Environment™” – an intentional setting in which everyone can accomplish their work and enjoy their lives.

While current economic conditions require organizations to do “more with less” and technology rushes forward, individuals are overwhelmed with “too much” – of everything – email, paper, projects, meetings, and interruptions. So what can you do to overcome these obstacles? The first step is eliminating physical, digital, and “systems” clutter. 

While offices are cluttered with paper, and our computers with electronic files, other types of clutter, such as unused office supplies and outdated equipment, also cost money and take up precious real estate. And then there are those unidentified business cards you collected at networking events months, even years ago, and the mustard packets from the take-out that are how old?

Because most people have never been given a process for eliminating the clutter in their lives, and unless they are “born organized,” were brought up in a family where it was role-modeled, or worked with someone who taught them, they are left to their own devices – which rarely works.

A cluttered desk

So that explains “physical and digital clutter,” but what is “systems clutter?”  A little girl observed her mommy cutting the end off of the ham before she put it in the oven.  “Why do you cut off the end of the ham, Mommy?” she asked. “I don’t know,” her mother replied.  “Go ask Grandma.  That’s what she always did.”  The little girl ran to her grandmother and asked the question.  Her grandmother replied, “Oh, honey! I didn’t have a pan big enough for the whole ham so I cut off the ends so it would fit!”  

How many systems are you holding onto that are not contributing to a profitable, sustainable business?

Few employees are willing to take the risk of getting rid of something for fear someone else – especially the boss – might want it.  Besides, it’s boring work, and they have “real work” to do!  So here are four simple questions to ask yourself in order to make your office a more productive environment.

  1. Is this item helping me accomplish my work or enjoy my life?
  2. Who else might find this item valuable?
  3. What’s the worst possible thing that would happen if I didn’t have it? 
  4. If I got rid of it, and I was wrong, could I live with the consequences?

So here’s my challenge for you!  It’s always easy to see what other people need to do to make their workspace more productive, but how productive is your environment? Let’s find out! Click here to get your Productive Environment Score™ now.

And if you’re the boss, be sure to ask about our “Productive Environment Day™” — a one-day event educating and empowering all your employees to make your office a “Productive Environment™” which truly reflects the quality of your products and services, and where everyone can accomplish their work and enjoy their lives! 

Filed Under: Mental Health, Stress Management

What is Stressing Out Kids?

February 27, 2022 by Martin Neumann - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

What is Stressing Out Kids?

When people think about who gets stressed out, their last thought is kids. From an adult’s perspective, kids have nothing to stress about. They don’t pay bills, they don’t have to work, and all they do is hang around all day playing, chatting with friends and eating. So what is stressing them out?

What is Stressing Out Kids?

Theoretically, all they have to do is go to school and come back home. While this sounds like a dream to most people, there are several factors in a kid’s life that can stress them out quite a bit, and it’s important to address these factors early on so that they don’t develop any problems later in life.

One of the longest running and worst causes of stress for kids is bullying. Adults don’t face this problem nearly as much, because if someone is harassing you in the real world, you can simply leave the situation or file a complaint.

If the harassment is physical, an adult would be arrested for assault. However, kids can’t just leave school or call the police if they’re getting bullied. Some might say that they can just talk to a teacher, but that seldom fixes the problem.

Kids feel as if they’re trapped there at school with their bully, and with no way out of a harmful situation, they can get extremely stressed out every day of the week.

Bullying in school

Another cause of stress in kids might be their home life. Unlike teenagers and young adults, kids can’t just drive away from home if it’s not a good place to live. They’re powerless in terms of moving away, and completely at their parent’s mercy.

If a child’s household is full of fighting or has abusive family members in it, the kid might get stressed out about even going home. They could have a fine life at school, but every day they have to go home at some point.

Abusive parents or siblings can absolutely ruin a child’s home life, stressing them out beyond your knowledge. In a similar situation to having a bully at school, kids can’t do anything to prevent or help their situation at home, due to the fact that they can’t escape in any way.

Being unable to leave your situation can cause more stress than anything. Recognizing stress in kids can be either easy or difficult, depending on the kid. In younger children, it will be fairly clear when they’re stressed out, because they’ll usually start to cry.

Young children cry whenever they’re stressed, upset, or feel as if anything is wrong. This type of sign is the easiest to recognize, and you certainly shouldn’t overlook it as them being a “whiny kid.”

There’s almost always a reason for a child to cry – you just have to be able to look for it. If you don’t, they’ll start to develop some long-running issues. Of course, there are many kids who have outgrown their standard crying days.

Older kids have a very different way of showing that they’re stressed out, and this is the point at which it can become more difficult, so you really need to be looking out for these kinds of signs.

One sign that a kid is stressed out is that they start to close off from other people. They might start to become incredibly quiet – not just around you, but also around other kids their age.

While some kids are naturally introverted and shy, this is a totally different situation. When kids start to close off, they won’t even be open with their own parents or with their closest friends.

Another way older kids start to show stress is by acting out. Kids with a bad home life and similar problems might start to act out at school, at home, and elsewhere for the sake of getting positive attention from their friends – something that they desperately need.

Another common sign involves kids becoming reluctant to do certain things. For example, if a child is reluctant to go to school, there might be deeper meaning to it than them just not wanting to go because it’s boring.

They might be getting bullied at their school, and they’re avoiding going because they’re scared of what awaits them. Similarly, they might be reluctant to come home from school if they’re afraid of their home lives.

Another common source of stress for children is if their parents are going through a divorce. Parents are very much acting as a point of reference for children. If one of the parents is suddenly leaving from home, this is quite a significant disruption of the secure environment that the child may have felt at home. These kind of changes can be pretty difficult to digest for a child and causing them a significant amount of stress, so don’t be surprised if your child will close off or get unruly when you are going through a divorce.

Kids involved in divorce of parents

There are tons of different solutions when it comes to helping kids deal with stress. The first one is addressing the problem at its source. If it’s the home life that the child is stressed about, then try to improve it by going to family counseling, where the child can clearly communicate their feelings about their home life to a counselor or to their parents directly.

You can also directly address the source of bullying by getting onto the parents of the bully, in an attempt to get the parents to reprimand them appropriately. The bully’s parents might be totally unaware of what’s going on, so informing them might help the situation. Try to understand the circumstances of their family as well. Their child may be aggressive as an outlet of other problems he is facing. Maybe you can help resolve another dilemma in the process.

Another solution for improving a child’s stress is to remove them from a stressful situation. This applies best to the bullying situation. If you’ve already tried talking to the school’s administration, to the bully’s family, and to the teachers, then it might be time to switch your child over to another school or choose a homeschooling option.

This is best done early on, so that the child doesn’t have to endure years and years of bullying. This also allows them to get a fresh start at a new location.

If you feel that you have done whatever needed to adequately limit the bullying, without being able to stop it completely, one of the best options that you can take is to just talk to your child and help them better understand the scope of time that they’re in.

While they might be stressed out about school and all of that right now, they need to know that things do get better. It can be helpful to explain to them how small of a portion of their life this will be.

Show them a timeline of a person’s life from age 0 to 100 and how small the school years are in that line of existence. It’s important to get their thoughts on their own situation as well, because it makes them feel respected, as if they have a bit of power in their tough situation.

We have seen that children can face significant stressors in their lives. If they are kept unresolved, it can develop into more serious problems in adulthood. Find a way to adequately resolve their issues, and your child will thank you for having done the right thing to protect them.

Do you need a guide to help you understand how to cope with Stress in an all inclusive approach? Learn how to combat stress, mentally, physically, emotionally and strategically in your life.

Get Me the Guide

Filed Under: Children, Mental Health, Phases of Life, Stress Management

Handling Stress Before It Happens

January 30, 2022 by Martin Neumann - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

Handling Stress before it happens

Stress is something that everyone in the world will experience. Some of us deal with a lot of stress – others, not as much. But one thing that we all have in common is that we all have a reaction to stress.

Handling Stress Before It Happens

When something happens to cause stress, we’ll react in either positive or negative ways. The way that you deal with stress will profoundly affect your health and well-being.

Your reaction to stress on one day can affect you emotionally the next day, and even the day before if you’re bracing for it. Unfortunately, there is no escaping stress and there are varying degrees of stress and causes behind it.

Stress Happens to Everyone

There are no groups of people or any single individuals who can avoid stress. Stress doesn’t fit neatly into any one category like a one-size-fits-all event. There are different levels of stress that will vary, depending on the person who’s dealing with it.

There are also different reasons and different times for stress to occur. You might experience more stress at a certain time of the year than other people do. However, stress does fall under the heading for four basic types.

The types of stress are encounter stress, time stress, situational stress and anticipatory stress. Encounter stress has to do with the relationships in your life. This covers your intimate relationships, your work relationships and even stranger or acquaintance relationships.

The type of life that you have can often determine whether you have a high stress level due to encounter stress. People who work in jobs where there’s a great deal of emotions (such as in a hospice care group) might have a higher rate of encounter stress than other people would normally have.

Giving emotional support to a cancer patient

Time stress can occur when you’re feeling overwhelmed with everything that you have to get done – so you fret that you don’t have enough time. You “what if” that you’re not going to get everything done and your stress level rises.

An example of this would be having to be somewhere for an important meeting that you absolutely can’t miss and things crop up to put you behind. Sometimes people will engage in time stress before there’s even an issue.

This “what if” worry can make them feel anxious and depressed because they worry how it will affect their future. The panic it causes can result in even more stressful situations to occur.

Situational stress is what happens when you’re in a situation that causes immediate stress. An example of this can be a car accident, a child becoming ill or a job loss. In situational stress, it’s the situation that causes the worrying and the emotions that go along with it. This kind of stress can be short or long term.

Anticipatory stress is stress that you get because you’re anticipating something that’s coming your way. This might be having to give a speech or wanting to ask for a raise. It can also be about something that’s not even on the horizon.

It’s a fear that the other shoe is going to drop. This type of stress is the kind that has the most “what if” worry involved with it because it’s focused on things that haven’t even happened – and may never happen!

And when the things that you worried about do come to past, they often don’t look anywhere as frightening or terrible as what you thought they’d be. Often we discover that it was not really worth our worries.

Worrying About Stressful Situations Affects Your Health

Thinking about a problem or wondering what’s going to happen isn’t the same thing as worrying about it. When it crosses the line is when you begin to “what if.” You might “what if” about an event, a person or an unknown future.

Plenty of people will “what if” in their mind. Unfortunately, most of them create all sorts of “what ifs” that have a negative aspect to the thoughts. From that negative “what if” can spring a ton of stress that can turn into long term stress if the habit isn’t broken.

Worrying about future events

There’s nothing wrong with thinking “what if” when you’re trying to brainstorm and come up with a purpose or a plan to deal with stress. But if you do random “what ifs” where you let your mind wonder from one bad possibility to the next, this is futile and can even be bad for your health.

This kind of “what iffing” is a stagnant process that doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair moving back and forth and expecting to get from point A to point B.

This negative “what iffing” doesn’t help anything and all you gain is fear and a sense of foreboding about the situation or your future. When you engage in unproductive, negative “what ifs,” you can start to experience a host of various health problems.

You can develop headaches or stomachaches. You might start to encounter muscle problems. Worrying about stress is bad for your heart health. When you worry about stress, studies have shown that this habit is known to cause high blood pressure, tachycardia and shortness of breath.

Worrying about stress can even cause heart disease. The reason that it can do this is because when you worry about stressful situations, your body gets an influx of stress hormones.

Having a regular dose of stress hormones puts additional pressure on your heart because of the high blood pressure that goes hand in hand with raised stress hormones.

Besides affecting your body’s health in a myriad of ways, worrying about stress affects your emotional health and your mental health, too. If you worry about stressful situations to the point that it becomes an ongoing habit, you can be at risk of having a mental breakdown.

This usually happens when thinking about and dealing with stress reaches the point where a person simply can’t deal with it any longer. When that happens, he or she can lose the ability to go about their day as they normally would.

It’s an abnormal response to stress that’s linked with worrying about stressful situations and feeling like there’s no relief for the stress in sight. When worrying about stressful situations reaches the point where someone is having trouble eating and begins to deal with insomnia, that’s the point where something must be done immediately to alleviate the worry.

The 4 Types of Pre-Meditated Stress Analysis

People cope with stress in different ways. These coping mechanisms can be labeled four different ways. The first one is problem analysis. With this type of coping mechanism, people think about the problem.

This way of thinking usually means the person is using “what if” in a positive way. They’re not simply turning the problem or situation over and over in their minds. They’re looking for how they can define exactly what the problem is.

Analyzing a problem on paper

This is the first step that often motivates people to reaching for a solution to the problem. When someone engages in problem analysis, they can see the problem objectively without internalizing it to the point that they dwell on it long term.

This kind of coping mechanism is highly effective and doesn’t lead to emotional or physical problems that can happen with dwelling on a stressful situation. The type of people who use this method are the type that are able to separate their lives and self-worth from the problem.

They can look at something that needs to be solved and then lay it down without it causing them to lose sleep. The second type of coping mechanism is plan rehearsal. Someone who copes this way is usually an analytical thinker.

He or she won’t dwell on negative “what ifs.” Instead, this person will think about what he can do to bring the situation to a resolution. Someone using this coping mechanism rarely thinks that there isn’t a solution to a situation regardless of what the problem is.

The person who deals with stressful situations this way usually comes up with several solutions and analyzes each one for the best outcome. People who use plan rehearsal don’t usually carry a stressful situation over into the next day emotionally.

Stagnant deliberation is one of the poorer methods that people use when dealing with stress. This is the type of person who will “what if” and think about the problem, but won’t get anywhere.

They don’t come up with a solution and so they don’t move forward. With stagnant deliberation your emotional and physical health can be affected to the point that it can make you ill.

The fourth coping mechanism is outcome fantasy. With this way of dealing with stress, people fantasize or daydream that they won’t have to deal with the problem because it will be somehow magically solved. This coping mechanism can affect emotional and physical health as well.

It’s rare that a person always uses just one type of coping mechanism. You can use a mixture of all of them but the type of people who use problem analysis and plan rehearsal don’t get stuck in the “what if” or the negative thinking about stressful situations. They might pause there, but they don’t get stuck.

How to Make an Action Plan Ahead of Time to Handle Stress

By knowing how to act rather than react to stress, you can handle stress before it becomes an issue. In every situation that happens, prioritize it. Ask yourself if the situation is yours to handle.

Too many of us deal with things that we don’t have to deal with. We take on other people’s stress. We handle things for friends, a spouse and coworkers that we shouldn’t take on.

It can be tempting to want to help and to want to fix someone else’s stress, but that’s a way to quickly become overwhelmed and stressed yourself!

Take action steps to handle stress before it happens by identifying where you feel the pressure start to build. If you know that you’re going to be pressed for time, then look at what has to be done.

Use to-do lists and pare it down to only the necessities to get you through that day or week. Let go of things that don’t matter in the long run for your health or happiness. Give yourself extra time to accomplish tasks and learn to say no to things – and people – that will eat up time to the point you know it will cause stress to begin.

Don’t focus on the things that you can’t control. For example, if you have a joint project with a colleague and you’re ready with your part, but he isn’t, don’t focus on what he didn’t do.

All you’re responsible for is what you were supposed to do. Let that person suffer the consequences rather than you suffering the stress. When you know that a situation is coming up that has the potential to turn stressful, take the time to write out a list of possible solutions.

For example if you’ve heard that your company is going to be laying people off, instead of worrying about it, write down all of the steps that you’ll take if it does happen. Once you do that, let it go. You’re prepared!

Don’t give in to negative “what if” thinking. You don’t want to attempt to cross bridges before you even come to them. You might find that the bridge never even appears in your life and you don’t want to waste time needlessly.

Do you need a guide to help you understand how to cope with Stress in an all inclusive approach? Learn how to combat stress, mentally, physically, emotionally and strategically in your life.

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Filed Under: Mental Health, Stress Management

Addicted to What?

January 23, 2022 by Esther Neumann - [rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]

Süchtig worauf?

Hands speak volumes. The Russian author Tolstoy describes in a stirring language how a visitor observes the hands of the players in a casino. They express so many things. There are the completely relaxed ones, because they don’t care whether they win or not. Perhaps the one who owns the hands can still afford to lose. The other’s fingers clench, they twitch, they’re wet. It’s all or nothing. It’s whether they can lift up their head leaving the place, or get away beaten, destroyed, deprived of dignity, without a future, with a lot of gambling debts.

Addicted to What?

The non-material addictions, as they are called, are not limited to gambling addiction. Addiction to work can also distract us from our real purpose in life. The list below is not complete, but shows us that almost all activities can lead to addiction: addiction to shopping, internet addiction, computer game addiction, television addiction, cell phone addiction, sex addiction, craving for recognition, binge eating, obesity, anorexia, sleep addiction, exercise addiction…

Relaxation and Pleasure

The activities listed above are not inherently bad. We can all use them in a positive way. We work in order to be able to live our lives, in order to fulfill our desires, in order to be able to help others. Sex is a pleasant thing when it is connected to a relationship of genuine love. When we sleep we can rest and relax. Playing brings us socializing and relaxation. The children learn to follow rules and lose without anger. Eating gives us moments of pleasure, helps us to socialize and can be very satisfying.

Compulsion

When do normal activities become a problem? When they have to be done over and over again under compulsion. The desire to pursue the dominant activity is so great that it occupies me all the time. Work is often neglected, partners and family members are hardly noticed. Your own well-being and health are being neglected. A power stronger than myself has taken hold of me.

When someone can no longer cope with the demands of everyday life, an outlet is sought. One often slips into daydreams. You create your own world. In this world you are invulnerable. At first you feel comfortable, secure, no demands are made. It is only over time that such daydreams turns into problems again.

Also, one reason many become addicted is because of the ease of access to accessories. TVs, computers are in almost every home, even in the bedrooms. Slot machines for gambling can be found in many inns and are an additional source of income. Finding a casino is already taking some effort, but who is addicted to gambling will find its way.

Spielautomat

When Things Go Bad

Initially, satisfaction is really found in the act of addiction. One can escape the pressure from outside. An own world, in which one feels comfortable, is created. But if the compulsion to keep immersing in this self-created world becomes too great, problems begin. Eventually everything gets neglected, including oneself. The essence of addiction is that you can’t get out of it by your own willpower. You cannot rely on your own willpower. An addict cannot be freed from his addiction against his own will either. Any attempt to help him will fail until he makes up his own mind to get out of his illness, which is in fact an addiction. But what can be managed is for the addict to recognize that they need help. However, this requires a basis of trust for many joint discussions.

How Can You Help?

No accusations should be made. The addict usually makes them himself. In all situations one must remain firm but cordial. Withdrawing support often helps. If, for example, the gambling addict who gambles for money and loses it, or the alcoholic realizes that people are always helping him out with money, he is not feeling the psychological strain of his actions. When you solve the problems for an addict and try to keep his life under control, you support him to carry on as before. If you withdraw the help, he gets into a big crisis, but it can force him to reorganize his life.

Relatives must not allow themselves to be abused or extorted. You can’t do anything for the addict or without his presence, everything must be done with their participation. This usually requires professional help. Advice centers for all kinds of assistance have been set up in all larger cities. Visiting a self-help group is a great help for those affected. There, in a relaxed atmosphere, he hears about the problems of others and how they are re-mastering their lives. He can exchange thoughts, take encouragement and have fun together. Many self-help groups use the 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous program.

self help group - Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

Liberation is a Process and Spiritual Growth

Addicts need to realize that they cannot rely on their own willpower. It is not necessary to find out why one is addicted in order to have something to blame. Many addicts have been neglected in their childhood. They have never known real security. They find it difficult to confide in anyone. But they have to realize that only a greater power than they have in themself can help. And that power is sure to be found in God, our Creator and Sustainer. This is why the AA serenity prayer is so important and should be part of any therapy.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change things that I can change; and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Sticking to certain principles is a great help. The Twelve Step Alcoholics Anonymous program is a spiritual program that leads to healing and spiritual growth and is helpful with virtually any addiction. Instead of alcohol, simply substitute the addiction in question. Everyone can face their problem without fear and learn that there is liberation, also for them. However, getting rid of addiction is a process that you have to work on for the rest of your life. But it’s worth it. God wants us to break the chains of slavery, and He promises victory when we enlist His help.

Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program:

1. Step

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Step

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Step

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Step

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Step

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Step

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Step

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Step

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Step

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Step

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Step

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Step

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Source: Alcoholics Anonymous

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